If only
by Pan Chan
Summary: Read to find out. Probably my worst work so far, but o well.


Disclaimer:I don't own Dragonball Z, nor do I own the book Holes, by Luis Sachar, from which the poem was first printed.If I break any copyright rules using it, then I'll take this story down, no harm done.

Author's note:Takes place when Goten's eleven, Trunks is twelve, and Gohan's somewhere in late high school.I was going to make this longer but oh well, though the poem would have fit more nicely if I had, so I'll probably revise it eventually.Please review!Thanx.

_ _

_"If only, if only", the woodpecker sighs,_

_"The bark on this tree was as soft as the skies."_

_While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,_

_Crying to the moon,_

_"If only, if only."_

Chi-Chi sank into the cool cushions of the table, waiting after the nurse left for the doctor to come in.Bra wanted her to be one of the counselors at their outdoor-school session (Bulma was unable to due to a business trip), and the jaunt would require a physical examination.So, there she was, waiting to get her blood pressure tested, her eyes checked, etc.

Dr. Mumphord was a nice old man whose black hair was splashed with gray, and his eyes were dull silver that was shielded behind his thin-wired glasses.As he walked in, he flashed a friendly smile at Chi-Chi and greeted, "Hello, Mrs. Son, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Chi-Chi replied politely.

"That's good.You look healthy, as always," he remarked while shining a small light into her eyes, inspecting them.

"Just like my Goku and the boys."

_The questions are always almost as obvious as the answers, but at least it keeps a conversation going_, thought Chi-Chi._Next he'll ask how they are._

"So, how are they?I understand Goku's been busy." (_Ha_, Chi-Chi thought) He started to peer into her ears.

"Oh, they're just fine, Goten's entering sixth grade now and into Middle School.He's growing up so fast, just like Gohan, but his grades aren't as well.Goku's fine.Even all that fighting and saving-the-world and stuff he still has the same appetite from thirty years ago."

Chi-Chi started explaining about how Goku's schedule was always the same, day after day, as Dr. Mumphord began to feel down her neck.She stopped talking as she realized he was no longer listening.His fingers stopped at an area below her left ear and probed."Turn this way," he said, and felt the same spot below her right ear."Ok, back again."The probing continued."Hmm.Mrs. Son, have you had a cold or anything recently?Any sort of virus?"

"No, I've been healthy as ever, why?"

He sat down in a chair in front of her."You have an enlarged lymph node slightly below your left ear.You do know what lymph nodes are, correct?"

Chi-Chi shook her head."No, at my school we didn't have health courses."

"I see.Well, lymph nodes are a type of white blood cell in your immune system.They manufacture phagocytes.Anyway, an enlarged one isn't anything serious, we just want to keep tabs on it is all.Otherwise, you look fine to me, you can go now."He waved, then took out a clipboard and wrote something in.

"Well, ok then, good bye, Doctor," Chi-Chi said, walking out rather confused.

After two more check-ups and one overnight stay at the hospital, Chi-Chi's final diagnosis was announced.

"Kaasan!" Goten exclaimed as Chi-Chi walked into their house after being away from almost two days.He hugged her around the waist."I've missed you!Where were you?Gohan and Dad wouldn't tell.They pretended they didn't know.But I think Dad did!"

"Oh…Well, honey, I've been busy.I'm sorry.Did you have lunch?"She walked to the kitchen.

"I had a grilled-cheese sandwich.That's all.I'M STARVING!It was the only thing we had left in the house after last night, and I'm still hungry…!"

"What would you like?"

Goten shrugged.Just as Chi-Chi began to cook up a meal Gohan walked in."Hi!" he greeted."Where have you been?"

"I was out."

"Oh, I see.Well, I'm taking Videl out for awhile, I should be home at around nine, bye."He walked out.

"Ok, bye!Here, Goten," she said, putting the several bowls of cal bi over rice in front of him, which he immediately began to devour."Where's your father?"

"Sparring with Vegeta-san.Can Trunks come over?"

"Sure.I'll be in my room.Tell Goku when he comes back."

When Trunks arrived, his arm was in a sling and his face held an uncomfortable expression."Hi, Trunks," Goten said, recognizing the broken arm from their last spar."I got Pokémon Stadium!I bought it yesterday.Did you bring your Silver version?"

"Yes," Trunks replied dully, holding up the cartridge with his one free hand.

"Great!Let's go.I wanna see if my Electabuzz can beat your Alekid."

"I doubt it…"They went into Goten's room and set up the game.

Goten had beaten Trunks nearly twenty times in the time period of an hour, which was unusual, because Trunks always had better Pokémon than Goten, mostly because he had a Game Shark.For the first couple times, Goten celebrated, but afterwards, he grew suspicious.

"Trunks, how come I'm always beating you?I used to never stand a chance.Well, how come?"

"It's too hard to play with one hand, Goten," Trunks said, a bit more harshly than intended.

"I've seen you play with one hand plenty of times before.So how come?"

He sighed."I was thinking…Last night, when I was at the hospital- you _know_ my mom won't let me take the senzu beans- I saw your mom there.I walked down to say hi.Do…Do you know why she was there?"

Goten shook his head."I didn't know she was at the hospital.Hmm.Maybe she was visiting someone."

"Uh, no…Goten, if I tell you, you have to promise you won't hate me."

"Ok, I promise."

"I was going to say hi.But when I got to her room, she was sitting with the gown on, on the table.A doctor was talking to her.He said…He said your mom has Hodgkin's disease, Goten."

He stared, dumbfounded."What's Hodgkin's disease?"

Trunks stared down at the ground."A type of cancer."

"WHAT?!?!Liar!!!That's not even something to joke about, Trunks!Kami!That's really rude!"

"I'm not joking, Goten, I-"

"SHUT UP!!!YOU THINK I'D BELIEVE YOU?!THAT'S A LIE, TRUNKS, AND YOU KNOW IT!!!"

"No, Goten…"

"Look, Trunks, if you're going to play mean jokes like that, I think you better get out," Goten growled quietly.

"But-"

"GET OUT!"Beads of sweat had formed upon Goten's forehead, and his cheeks were flushed from the yelling.

Trunks sighed, shook his head, and started to go.Over his shoulder, he said, "You promised."

"SHUT UP AND LEAVE!"So he did.

Chi-Chi peeked her head out in time to see Trunks leave.She was grieving inside, and partly guilty.She'd heard the entire conversation, and anyway Goten hadn't yelled at Trunks _ever_, as he was the more mature of the two, so it was enough to make one suspicious. 

"Goten?"She approached his room cautiously."Are you ok, honey?Goten?"

He was standing in the middle of the room, still looking flushed, and staring at the floor.His fists were clenched at his sides.

"Goten?Did you hear me?"

"I'm fine, Kaasan."He turned around, back facing his mother."I have homework to do."

"Oh.Well, ok, then."

"Chi-Chi?"Goku looked over at his wife from the darkness later that night.

Only a small muffled noise was the reply.

"Chi-Chi?" he tried again."Genki des ka?"He shifted his weight from under the sheets of the bed and reached over to her, put his arms around her waist, and pulled her close.As he laid his cheek against hers gently, he frowned at the heat of it.

"I'm fine, Goku," she whimpered in reply.

"No, you aren't.Do you have a fever?"

"No, I'm fine.Please, go to sleep."

"Chi-Chi."He turned her head toward him and his frown deepened when he saw that her eyes were blood-shot, as though she'd been crying, and tears had stained her flushed cheeks."What's wrong?"

She turned around quickly and hugged him, burying her face in his chest.The front of his shirt grew moist as she began to sob again."Chi-Chi, what's wrong?!" Goku demanded desperately."Tell me!"

She pulled away from him and sat up."I'm sorry, Goku…It's just that everything's been happening so fast…See, feel here."She took his hand and placed it over the lump on her neck.

At first he was baffled, but then his frown broke into an amused smile."Is that what this is about?A pimple?Seriously, it's nothing serious, Gohan gets it all the time!He just uses your powder to cover it up, you should do that, too."

"No, Goku, it's not a pimple."She turned on the bed stand lamp and pulled a piece of paper out from under the pillow."Read this."She gave it to him.

It was her physical report.

He stared at the letter for a few moments."I…I can't."

"Can't what?I know, it's hard to believe, but-"

"I can't read."

"Oh, of course, I'm sorry."She took it back and read:

"Name:Chi-Chi Son.Age: (undisclosed)Symptom:Enlarged lymph nodeFinal analysis:Hodgkin's disease

_ _

Comments:Large lymph node under left ear and in underarms.No other sickness.Good health record.Another tumor beginning to grow on collarbone.Definitely Hodgkin's.Should start radiation soon."

Goku sat up and drew her close."What does this all mean?"

She curled up against him, tears beginning to well up again."It means I have cancer, Goku, I'm…I'm gonna die!"At this the sobbing began again.

At first he could say nothing, just stare at her.He didn't know what to do or say, he was used to being able to attack someone when one of his friends or family were near death.But there wasn't any villain this time.

He held her closer."There's no treatment?"

Chi-Chi looked up."Well, there is, but…_Cancer, Goku!People die of cancer every day!"_

"But there _is still treatment.We still have hope!"_

"Yes, I suppose…"

He smiled and gave her a big hug."You're a strong woman, I'm sure you'll get through this.Don't worry."

"Thanks, Goku."They both settled down for the night.Goten, who was standing in the doorway, quietly backed away and went down the hall to elsewhere.

Bulma was suffering insomnia.She didn't tell anyone, of course, as it was just as harmful as a common cold, her doctor had said, so she kept it to herself and spent the last couple nights listening to Vegeta snore.

That night, as she traced his muscles softly with her fingertip (he only wore boxers to sleep), she heard a loud thudding noise at the end of the bed.There, she saw, a dark figure watching.

"Ahh!" she cried, panicking, and clutching to Vegeta for protection."Vegeta, wake up!!"

He woke up with a start and, not thinking and doing what his instincts told him, grabbed Bulma with one arm and used the free hand to blast the figure.It fell over, then stood back up, saying, "Ow.Dad, that hurt."

"Trunks?"

"Who else?"

"What're you doing here?It's nearly two," Bulma said, getting up.

"I'm sorry.I just…never mind.I'll go back to bed."He left.

Vegeta snorted."Stupid brat waking us up in the middle of the night…"He pulled away from Bulma and returned to sleep.And sat up again."Did you say it was two?!?!"

"Yes," Bulma replied sleepily, looking at her alarm clock."2:36."

"Arg!"He jumped up and shoved on a black, loose warm-up suit."Damnit!I lost thirty-six minutes of training time!Gah!"

"Don't wake Trunks or Bra up," murmured Bulma, pretending that sleep was taking over her once again.

Vegeta growled and took off.His gravity room was still under repair, so instead of training there he flew off to Goku's house so they might spar.Cool rain splashed down upon him as a chilly draft sifted through his hair.He tried to shake it off, not liking to be wet, but the downpour kept coming and coming that by the time he got to his destination he was past soaked.

_Kakkarot, you had so better be awake, Vegeta thought, turning the front doorknob.Unlocked.He stepped in, switched on the light switch, and heard a cry._

"Vegeta!Vegeta?What the hell are you doing here?!" 

"Gah, brat, where's Kakkarot?" Vegeta snarled at Goten.

"He's in bed, and you can't go in there!You're not even supposed to be inside!"He set down the mug of hot chocolate he was making on the counter and tried unsuccessfully to shove Vegeta back out.

He laughed and didn't budge."Why is your father asleep but you aren't?"

"None of your business!Just…go away!"His voice cracked at the last two words.

Something about that turned Vegeta's smirk into a rare, concerned frown."What's wrong, boy?You look like you've seen a ghost."

Goten rubbed his nose with the back of his hand."Nothing…Just…Nothing.Would you like a cup of hot chocolate, Vegeta-san?"He indicated his own mug.

He really didn't want to but he could see the boy needed someone to talk to so, ignoring every Vegeta-like instincts yelling at him, said, "Yes, thank you."

Goten looked at him strangely, then smiled a bit and put a spoonful of chocolate powder into a cup of hot milk, put in a spoon, and gave it to Vegeta to mix.He took it, forced a smile, and sat down at the table.Goten joined him.

Vegeta stirred slowly, watching him."Tell me, brat.It takes a lot to make a male Saiyan cry."

He sighed."I don't think I should tell you.Kaasan might get angry.If I do tell you, will you promise you won't tell anyone that you know?"

Vegeta smirked and held up two fingers."Saiyan honor."

"Saiyan's are nearly extinct."

"Err!Scout's honor, then."

"Scouts?!"

"Fine!I promise!"

"Ok then."He described to the man what he witnessed that night in his parent's room."And that's why I was awake," he concluded.

Vegeta nodded, frowning, and took a sip from his cup."So, maybe she'll die, maybe not.There's nothing you can do about it but submit to whatever the doctor's have planned for her.If it doesn't work, she'll die."He shrugged.

Goten stared at him, outraged."She's my mother!I can't just let her _die!I have to do __something!"_

Vegeta shrugged again and took another drink."There is nothing you can do, except hope.But your father is right, she's a strong female, she'll be fine.You shouldn't be so concerned."

There was a moment of silence as Goten stared at the table top, his beverage forgotten.Then, "But I have to worry.I can't just not worry, that'd be like not caring, and that would be like not loving.And I _do love my Kaasan."_

The grown man looked at the young boy thoughtfully."Well, I suppose you should care, but not so much as you don't have any hope for her anymore.Hopelessness is a terrible thing, and can bring the strongest warrior down to defeat.She has a strong mate, and two strong brats that she gave birth to.She can take care of herself."

Goten nodded, then looked up at him smiling."Thanks, Vegeta, you really helped me feel better.I'd better be getting to bed.You can stay as long as you like as long as Kaasan doesn't see you."

Vegeta smiled, a real, genuine smile, and said, "Nah, I'd better be going, actually.Training and all."He started to leave.

"Wait, Vegeta-san!Please wait a few moments."Goten rushed to his bedroom and back again, holding a small silver rectangle."Please give this to Trunks, he forgot it yesterday, and tell him I'm sorry, and also that I hope he isn't too mad at me and we can be friends again."

"Sure, brat."Vegeta took it and left.Goten watched him go and, with a totally new view of Vegeta, returned to bed.

# If only, if only, the moon speaks no reply

_Reflecting the sun and all that's gone by;_

_Be strong my weary wolf, turn around boldly,_

_Fly high, baby bird,_

_My angel, my only_


End file.
